Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
