HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize