Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
