So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize