see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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