I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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