so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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