i just sent this text using only my big toe
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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