Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
