ya dads aren't the best wingmen
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
