pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize