I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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