why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
