Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
