Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
