I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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