I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just saw a hot homeless man
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
