I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
someone owes me an orgasm
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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