No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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