I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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