my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
