Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
