Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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