garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize