i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
