.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
