don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
