JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
