Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
