Betty ford says i'm here all night
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
