Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
