Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So here I am, sexting at work.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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