I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
