and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
what is it with giant penises always finding me
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
