Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
