Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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