you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
