so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
