I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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