Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
