Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
