I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
