"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
