speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
