she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
