my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
