When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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