The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
