why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
