at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
