it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i need to put some appletini on your dick
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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