he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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