Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
