I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
