She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
