i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
