Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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