So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
