I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
