Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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