Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
