Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
