You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
