she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
