You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
