24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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