Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
