How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
