hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
