Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
