I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
