you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize