he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
