Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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